Due to some masochistic impulse, I’ve been watching the January 6 hearings in their entirety.

It feels strangely, simultaneously devastating and gratifying to see the coup attempt laid out so clearly, by Trump’s staunchest supporters no less.

Even the fact that they’re finally calling it a coup - not a protest or insurrection - while a long overdue correction, is a relief.

The deferential tone of the Committee is no doubt a shrewd calculation - commending government officials at the highest levels for honoring their oath will, one hopes, strike a non partisan stance and perhaps even encourage others to come forward. But I find myself seething at the tearful testimony, at the apparent disbelief and, dare I say, disillusionment of this parade of conservative Trump allies. How did they not see this coming? After four years of absolute mayhem, what other possible avenue did they think he was he going to take? What had indicated this egomaniac would stop for something as insignificant (to him) as the rule of law and respect for our democratic institutions?

And while none of what’s being presented is particularly surprising, some of the details are still shocking. Degrading, even. Giuliani drunk on election night, goading Trump to declare victory. Trump lunging at the Secret Service agent who refused to drive him to the Capitol to join the coup. Trump petulantly throwing dishes at White House staff - ketchup running down the walls of the Oval dining room.

These are details I could easily have imagined, but never thought would be relayed under oath in a publicly televised hearing.

There’s a seediness to it that belies the gravity of the actual fact that our own President actively plotted to prevent the peaceful transfer of power, knowing his supporters were armed and threatening to hang his own Vice President and murder the speaker of the house.

Can we even pretend to be surprised that a man who brags about grabbing women by their genitals and enthusiastically suggests injecting bleach to fight Covid also throws a tantrum that nearly undermines our democracy?

And now, following the reversal of Roe, not only will he never been criminally charged, this man is now sure to be re-elected for the victory he has handed Republicans.

So, to those weepy conservatives professing love for “the divinely inspired” Constitution that Trump violated, I ask: was it worth it now? Abortion for democracy? Was that a fair trade, in your mind? And is your conscience clear now that you’ve washed your hands of January 6, without taking responsibility for all that led up to it, and all that will follow?