On the boat back from Goma to Bukavu this past Friday, it occurred to me how much has changed since the last time I visited that city, back in the beginning of December. This second trip came almost four months to the day after the first one, and it struck me how completely different my situation is now.

It’s been quite some time since last I wrote, so many of you know this story in various levels of detail. Extremely long saga short, however: I returned from my first rest and relaxation (R&R) trip to Zambia back in November to find that my boss, the Grants Coordinator, had resigned while I was away. As soon as I agreed to be her interim, she was on the next plane out of Kinshasa – 4 days later. So there I was, with my grand total of 4 months of grants experience, now in charge of the $100+million portfolio for IRC’s largest country program. To make things even more interesting, the only other remaining expat on the grants team also resigned another week later, leaving just myself and the Congolese Grants Officer for Bukavu, to man a team which had 6 people when I arrived in August.

Needless to say, the period from November to early December was a bit of a rough time, as I debated whether or not I could handle the responsibility while knowing full well I didn’t really have a choice. I did manage to leverage a rather desperate situation to my advantage, however: I negotiated with my country director to stay in Bukavu rather than being forced to move to Kinshasa (where the Grants Coordinator should be based), I snagged a raise for the interim period, and I debated with the CD at length about the vision I have for the Grants Unit in DRC.

All of these negotiations happened in the first week of December in Goma, just a few days after I had returned to the east following R&R and more time in Kinshasa. I can still feel the terror that gripped me then, as I rode that boat up Lake Kivu to meet with the CD. I was convinced they would make me move to Kinshasa; certain I wouldn’t be able to handle the workload and the demands of the Coordinator position; sure that, even if I could handle it, it would be a long and painful process as I had only one other staff member on the team. I wasn’t sure if a move to a higher grants position was even wise, as my entire purpose in coming to Congo as a Grants Manager was to get back to the field and, ultimately, into human rights programming with IRC.

All of these thoughts were battling for space in my head four months ago, not to mention the slight dread of knowing I would be spending the holidays alone in Bukavu just a few weeks later. Ultimately, however, I was able to remain posted in Bukavu and managed to make it through the rest of the calendar year. Work even eased up a bit over the holidays since every one else was on vacation. I regained perspective and determined that 2009 would be a fantastic year, full of bright possibilities and change. I pushed hard for IRC to recruit the staff I was so sorely missing. I kept my head up.

And then the Grants Officer and only other remaining member of the grants team, resigned in the beginning of January, leaving me a one woman show, overseeing all of DRC’s gargantuan grants. January was an interesting month, punctuated by anxiety and lack of sleep. But I made it through and found myself in Kinshasa in the beginning of February to finally welcome my long-awaited new staff: one Grants Manager each for the Kinshasa and Goma offices. After being on my own, having a grand total of 3 of us on the team felt amazing, even though this number is still half of what our capacity should be. I spent an intense two weeks in Kinshasa training the new GMs and participating in the DRC’s country strategy planning session, even presenting my work on the grants team (new tools, systems and procedures I had developed, etc.) to the senior management team. It was a whirlwind of activity which only stopped spinning when I boarded a plane bound for the States for my second R&R in mid-February. After three magical weeks of family, friends, and Chad, I returned to Congo on 10 March.

It was a fairly rough transition back, I must admit: the abrupt switch from the comfort of home and loved ones to the chaos, heat, and stress of Kinshasa was enough to make me want to board the next flight back to Philly. I made it back to Bukavu after a few days, however, and slowly caught up on the work I had missed. It’s now been nearly a month since I left and, sitting here on a rainy Sunday afternoon, the U.S. once again feels a lifetime away.

The bizarre juxtaposition of my two worlds is always a bit unsettling. After only two weeks back in the States, it seemed almost impossible that this world of conflict, struggle, poverty and security checks could exist in parallel with the one in which I was walking around the Upper East Side of Manhattan, watching people enjoy $15 cocktails on the first warm day of the year in sidewalk cafes. The fact that these two realities are taking place at the same time never ceases to astonish me.

So this past week saw me in Goma again, four months after that first terrified trip, this time to launch a monthly meeting I have developed for better provincial coordination on grant management. It seemed impossible that so much had happened between those two trips, both for me personally and for the country.

When last I wrote, the advance of rebel leader Laurent Nkunda’s CNDP troops on Goma was the biggest thing on our minds. In the interim, and in a completely unprecedented and rather befuddling turn of events, Nkunda has been arrested by Rwanda (whose vague overtures to extradite him to Congo no one in their right mind believes), and Kabila and Kagame, presidents of DRC and Rwanda respectively, suddenly agreed to play nice with each other and start a combined offensive against the FDLR, the other Rwandan rebel group hiding out in eastern Congo. The FDLR is comprised of former Interahamwe, Hutu rebels as opposed to the Tutsi CNDP. This joint operation took everyone by surprise, and the outcome is yet to be seen.

In an astonishing move, Kabila actually agreed to allow Rwandan troops into North Kivu in order for them to assist in the effort to roust out the FDLR, who are buried deep in the forests of both North and South Kivu. The mission continues, but the civilian toll is likely to be high as the FDLR are well-known for exacting punishment on civilian populations as they flee attack. Ironically, the CNDP were well-disciplined and relatively eas(ier) to deal with under Nkunda’s control. In the midst of all of this change, however, many CNDP are being demobilized and integrated into the FARDC (the hodgepodge Congolese army).

Typically, the Congolese government has not managed to keep up on paying the salaries of its suddenly expanding army, and the security context in North Kivu has, for the moment, turned from more war-related concerns to issues relating to banditry and criminality: ambushes by disgruntled, unpaid soldiers are on the rise. As usual, what all of this means for South Kivu, remains to be seen. The highest concentration of FDLR are actually to be found in the deep forests of this province, but the joint FARDC-MONUC offensive has thus far been confined to North Kivu. For now, things seem calm.

As for me, I am looking ahead to the next few months and beginning to plot my next move. My plan was always to work in grants for a year, and I am doing my best to stick with that, meaning that my term as Grants Coordinator would come to a close in late July/early August. What happens after that is, at this point, anyone’s guess. I’m doing my best to embrace the uncertainty rather than let it worry me uselessly. There are infinite possibilities, and it’s an exciting time of life.

All I know is that I must continuously give thanks for my incredible fortune at being able to choose to live and work in an area as tortured and fascinating as this one. It is, as I have said before, a veritable Petri dish: it seems anything and everything can and will happen here.

Case in point: just a few days ago, while in Goma, I was joking around with some of my co-workers as we had read an article on how slight tremors being felt in North and South Kivu are a potential precursor to the next eruption of the volcano which looms over Goma. “Man,” I said, “if it’s not the rebel Tutsis causing trouble, it’s the rebel Hutus. If it’s not the rebels, it’s the Congolese army. If it’s neither of them, the volcano will get you. And just when we reach a period characterized by rule of law and stability in eastern Congo, we can be sure Lake Kivu will explode.” (don't worry, it’s only due to blow every 1000 years).